The child looks at one of the pens and says, “hey mom, what’s that?”, the mother replies, “oh that’s an elephant”. Noticing the gargantuan member beneath the elephant, the child asks “what’s that under the elephant?”, embarrassed the mother replies, “oh that’s nothing”. The child then walks over to his father and asks, “Dad, what’s that thing underneath the elephant?”, his dad replies “That’s the elephant’s penis son.” The child said, “Well mom says it’s nothing”,the dad replies, “Oh, how I spoil that woman”.
though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
at 1 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, “ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet and get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”
“i have a better idea,” she replied. “just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”
“wow! that’s a great idea!” he exclaimed.
“good,” she replied. “get your own fucking blanket.”
after a moment of silence, he farted.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room…. “Why are you down here at this time of night!?”
The husband looks up from his drink, “It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.”
She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,” he said solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes, I do” she replies.
The husband pauses……. The words were not coming easily.
“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”
“I remember that, too” she replied softly…
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”
So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom. And he’s got a lot of work to do.
First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But there’s a huge tuxedo line at the store. Finally he gets out of there and realizes he has to go buy a corsage, so he goes to a florist. But there’s this big long corsage line at the florist. Finally he gets the corsage and has his tux and he’s gotta go rent a limo. But there’s this huge line when he gets to the limo place.
Finally after waiting and making all the arrangements, it’s the night of the prom. He picks her up and takes her down there to get in, but there’s this huge ticket line at the door. Finally they get in and they start dancing and having fun, and she says to him, “I’m hungry,” so he goes to get her some food, but there’s this huge buffet line. He gets her some food and they eat and they’re dancing again and she says, “Now I’m thirsty, can you get me a drink?” So he goes to get her a drink and there’s no punchline.
We were at a family gathering and out of nowhere my 93 year old grandfather announces ”Well, now I have to sit down now when I pee…”
All conversation grinds to a halt and everyone looks at him.
“My doctor told me no more heavy lifting.”